


Now And Not Tomorrow

by DecayingLiberty



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:38:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecayingLiberty/pseuds/DecayingLiberty
Summary: Marius has a bad day but Grantaire helps.





	Now And Not Tomorrow

He knew that day would turn out bad and it did. It had even gotten worse as it progressed, so when Marius returned to the empty apartment, the tension didn’t leave his shoulders and he felt ready to break. It took all his will power to stay upright and he went to the kitchen with heavy steps, to fill Mr Pawesome’s bowls, and to pour himself a glass of water before he could lock himself away from the world.

Marius mustered enough energy to change into more comfortable clothes but the apartment was still too silent, too lonely and his room was too bright so he went into Grantaire and Courfeyrac’s room where the curtains were still drawn and buried himself into the blankets and the pillows. It smelled like them and if Marius closed his eyes, it was enough to pretend that they were with him.

 

There was someone calling him from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

He should answer. He knew but he didn’t, he couldn’t. His jaw didn’t unclench where his teeth ground together. Marius wanted to call out to the voice, to tell it not to worry but he bit his trembling lips and squeezed his eyes shut to drown out the voice even if he barely had the energy to breathe. He pulled the blanket over his head and hid his face in the pillows.

The door opened a few moments later and a gentle hand tugged the blanket away from his head.

“Marius?”

He didn’t answer, he still couldn’t, so he opened his eyes to look at Grantaire and the worry in his eyes made him want to hide again.

“What’s wrong?”

Nothing, Marius intended to say but the word didn’t pass his closed lips, all that came out instead was a weak whimper.

Grantaire shed his clothes and climbed into the bed.

“Come,” he said and pulled Marius closer. “Close your eyes. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Marius did and let the soft rise and fall of Grantaire’s chest lull him to sleep.

 

He woke to the sound of a steady heartbeat and all encompassing warmth. It felt nice and he felt safe.

“Feeling better yet?” asked Grantaire

“Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“I’m supposed to, right?”

“You don’t have to.”

Marius said nothing in return and Grantaire didn’t push, didn’t pry. There’s no pressure, no expectations for him to explain himself and it’s so different from what he had known, so foreign, and yet so good that he wanted cry at how overwhelmed he felt by this simple gesture.

Marius thought that it wasn’t fair to Grantaire and Courfeyrac who gave so much and received nothing in return. He clung to Grantaire.

“I– I’m sorry,” he mumbled into his chest.

“What for?”

“For keeping you here. You had things to do.”

“You’re more important. It’s okay.”

“It’s really not.”

“You’re allowed to need things from us,” Grantaire said and rubbed soothing circles onto Marius’ back, “it’s okay to ask.”

“I know, but it’s just–,” Marius rubbed his eyes in frustration, “everything is just so new. I don’t know what I am doing most of the time and sometimes I feel like I need to plan for what comes afterwards. Where to go next once this is over.”

Grantaire reached out to grip his hand tightly. “You want to move out?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Explain it to me.”

“It’s hard to say.”

“Try.”

Marius returned the grip and pulled Grantaire’s hands up to press his lips against them. They were rough and calloused and cold. They were always cold yet Grantaire was always warm.

“It’s hard to accept this as reality. It’s good. Too good to last. There’s this voice that tells me to remain detached, because –,” Marius took a deep breath to steady his voice.

“If you commit, it’s going to hurt.”

“Yes,” Marius breathed out.

Grantaire cupped Marius’ face and kissed his forehead softly, long and reassuringly. “We won’t leave you”, Grantaire said against his skin.

“You can’t know that.”

“No, we can’t.” He pulled back and looked at him with so much intensity that his eyes seemed to glow in the dim, muted light. “But it’s a promise for what is now. And for now, in this very moment, I know that I don’t want to leave you.”

“And tomorrow?”

“You’ll know when tomorrow comes. I’ll tell you.”

“I’m scared.”

“So am I. But,” said Grantaire, “I try not to think of what comes next. Life is not fair, and even the best things can hurt. I try to enjoy what I was given. And meeting you and all the others have been the greatest gift I have received. I don’t want to regret being happy.”

Marius let the words fall onto his mind, trying to feel them, searching for flaws or cracks but Grantaire’s intense look sealed them all away before they broke apart and it soothed the flickering doubt inside him. It was not quite extinguished yet, but it was calmer. He breathed out. The beginnings of a smile crept up at the corners of his mouth.

“This goes for you, too,” he told Grantaire.

“What does?”

“Needing things. Asking.”

“It’s difficult.”

“It is.” Marius paused, unsure. “But we will figure it out.”

“We will.”

“And we’ll figure it out together. All three of us: Grantaire and Courfeyrac and Marius,” he said and he was not sure if he was trying to convince Grantaire or himself but, either way, the thought was a comforting one.

“You forgot Mr Pawesome.”

“And Mr Pawesome,” he added very solemnly.

Grantaire laughed. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“And yet, you still love me.”

Time seemed to stop in that moment, stilled between two seconds like the silence between to heartbeats. The words hovered in the air, lingered in his breath and Marius felt them dawn slowly onto both of their minds, all the unsaid unravelled in inference and even though it was a simple sentence, the weight of it wasn’t lost on either of them. It was acceptance and it was admittance.

Grantaire looked at him in surprise with a smile around his lips, and eyes shining with wonder and amazement, giddy, excited. Marius had never seen him happier.

Grantaire huffed out a breathy laugh and rested forehead against his.

“I do,” Grantaire said and laughed again, “Heck, I do.”

Grantaire's smile was mesmerizing and Marius couldn't tear his gaze away.

And right then, in this plain, nondescript moment, in the semi-darkness of the messy bedroom where the curtains were still drawn and the night light still flickering in the power socket, Marius wished for it to last forever.

 

**Author's Note:**

> RARE PAIR WEEK! IT'S RARE PAIR WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Scream with me about Courfiustaire and Ferrejolras and Courftaire on my [tumblr!!!](https://decayingliberty.tumblr.com/) (COURIFUS IS ALWAYS WELCOME)


End file.
